Did You Say the Magic Word?

Let’s talk please and thank you. Why do we say it and what does it mean? Pretty simple right? We may say please to convey a kind ask. Thank you comes from the excitement of gift, feeling grateful to someone held the door for you, a co-worker that went out of her way, etc. Or does it? Do you say thank you when you are not? What does that do to the thank you? Does it water down it’s meaning, give it less value? Does the person getting the thanks sense it’s less that genuine?

What if someone asked your adult self to say the magic word? First, no one genuinely would because it’s rude. If they did I’m certain my feelings of excitement or gratitude would change? So why do we do this to children?

Please and thank you comes from a place of authentic gratitude and kindness and as a parent we need to ask the same from our children. What do we know about children? They repeat, repeat, repeat. They want the same books read over and over, to hear the same songs over and over, the same foods, cup, and even our words (both the ones we want to hear and those that we don’t). Repeating is good (and sometimes exhausting)!! It’s the brain’s way of understanding the world and strengthens the connections within the brain for further growth and connection. As for please and thank you, they will watch you and do the same… in time and on track with the way you model it. If your child get’s a new toy, say thank you to who gave it. Model what you want to see. During the times you were hoping to hear a please and thank you, ask yourself why? If this more about you than your child in that moment? Words have impact and we can talk this with our children, but make sure it comes from a place of kindness and curiosity, not shaming or blaming. We could use less of this in our world and your child will model this too!

So give your children a break with their please and thank yous. Model them, trust, and they will come.